The smiles are cracking the face is faltering and i don't know how much longer i can hold myself together at the moment life doesn't seem to be catching up on me it seems to be stalking me down as though on some form of a hunt.
I am at the stage at the moment where I feel like am up against a wall my mummy role is where I seem to be struggling for love nor money I can't get my son potty trained and his tantrums and lashing out are wearing me down and all the time outs in the world are seemingly useless against his strength of will.
As well as that I am facing the prospect of having counselling to help me handle the loss of my nan as it seems according to medical people I am not processing it as I need to and they are worried as I feel the need to pick myself up get on with life an be strong ......... but I have to do that hence why I keep saying it every-time they tilt there head n ask how am feeling.
So although I have my boy to keep my busy n make me smile it feels as though my ability to handle things is a bit away from me at the moment and its not helped by this gut wrenching fear from what the counsellor is goin to have to say.
I know what is wrong with my an why my heads a mess is because I have lost the person who I went to for everything I advice ranting the whole 9 yards and she is gone and there is nothing that can change that but I am trying to cope as best I can and I know that I am going to have lows like this and there are gonna be days and times that suck frustrations over ignorant employers but I have to get on with it I need to pick myself up and get on with life because what good am to anyone if I don't.......
